the jerk

The jerk is the most well adapted humanoid kind and exists with the sole purpose of annoying and disgusting its fellow citizens.

There is no consensus regarding the origin of a jerk (jerk families? circumstantial drift? transitory testosterone drive stage?). His reproduction can only be ensured by either stupid or desperate women. Until the jerk finds that woman (and often even after he does), the jerk treads the environment occupied by regular humans attempting to simulate situations of actually having a chance with regular women. This implies harassment and picking fights with possible male competitors, in which the jerks imagines he’s seducing rather than annoying and also that he actually stands a chance of being taken serious rather than disdained and/or kicked in the nuts.

This imaginary world of success with chicks is only possible because jerks have a unique physiological feature: a nerve connecting its penis to its anus to then to its mouth, which makes the his verbalization highly susceptible to what it seems to be sexual talk but its actually just crap.

the construction worker subtype reciting its poetry from a scaffold

The subtype “construction worker “, is easily distinguishable from the common jerk because its vernacular character seems to be limited to its workplace and varies inversely to the height to the scaffolds. In addition, the construction worker subtype only exists in certain nationalities and its culture has been fostering highly creative, dirty and sometimes explicit compliments to women which are accepted and even embraced by the people as a humorist movement (masons or scaffold poetry), whereas the common jerk is endemic to the entire western world and does nothing good.

Furthermore, unlike the construction worker subtype, the jerk can have different appearances, from the distinct suit and tie to the suburban rapper wannabe. Nonetheless, some features can hint the citizen on whether or not he/she is the presence of the a young jerk: the combination of tight t’shirts and hair gel; a cap barely balancing on top of the head because it’s too small and the jerk’s gait (or swag) is that of a hyena with its buttocks sewed together; a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of an alcoholic drink in the other combined with a farsighted gaze and what appears to be an incontrollable need to curse out loud. Not always, but unfortunately often, the young jerk “evolves” into the adult common jerk. With good guidance, he might divert to the superior construction worker subtype or even find redemption as the middle aged man in the parochial parties who dances with his own bottle of beer.

Translation “Sometimes the future does not lie ahead of you, but rather right behind you.” – A good prognosis for this young jerk, if you ask me! (Fonte:

The presence of the common jerk makes any moment of the day turn worse, especially for the female citizen… but its worse when we’re out trying to have fun. Any woman knows the discomfort of having to listen to jerks, walking down an empty street where jerks are or trying to dance with jerks at sight range. The jerk is my number 1 most annoying thing about going out at night. If I would make such a ranking, jerks would beat meeting at 21h for dinner without having a reservation and walking around asking waiters for a table in full restaurants or, even worse, discussing whether you’ll all go for thai or pizza. If I were to make the equivalent ranking for daytime, it would beat public transport strikes and beggars with those tiny drugged dogs holding a basket in their mouths. Worse than beggars with the tiny dogs with baskets: that’s just how much I detest jerks.


One thought on “the jerk

  1. Pingback: Belgium A to Z – Z | É isso tudo e mais um par de botas.

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